“My Self Worth Is Not In Your Hands” is a mantra I have used over the years to make sure that I’m the only one in charge of my self-worth and to stop me from seeing validation from other people.
Many years ago, during the stages of getting to know a new friend, she started to date a man who was a bit of player of the field, unfortunately. This fling lasted for two weeks, during which time I watched my friend toss and turn on a roller-coaster of elation and devastation, depending on whether he text her or not. If she didn’t hear from him, she started to question her self-worth, i.e. was she attractive, was there something wrong with her, only to be raised to a state of frenzied excitement when she finally received a text message. At that point, she believed she was attractive and desirable.
As I watched on from the outside, I felt exhausted! Her mood could swing from despair to joy every couple of hours. When it finally came to light that he was dating a few other women, I had to scrap her off the floor.
The truth is that she’d put her self-worth in his hands and he wasn’t worthy of that honour. In the aftermath, I tried to reassure that there was nothing wrong with her and highlighted her positive qualities yet nothing could raise her spirits….until another man came along and the roller-coaster started again.
It became clear that this was a pattern for her. Unless she was receiving validation from outside of herself, she had no self-worth. She was a prisoner to other people’s opinions and the experience taught me never to put my self-worth in another person’s hands.
When we look for validation outside of ourselves in any type of relationship, we put our self-worth into their hands. We become a prisoner of other people’s opinions and not every person has our best intentions at heart. Yes, it’s nice to be praised, but it should never replace our ability to build a solid foundation and hold our self-worth in our hands.
When we hold our self-worth in our own hands, we stop seeking validation from outside of ourselves. We are no longer at the mercy of the opinions of others, whether positive or negative. We nurture our belief in ourselves. If life happens to throw a negative person our way, by holding our self-worth in hands, we are less affected and can brush off negativity.
So, if you find you are seeking validation for your self-worth, bring your self-worth back into your own hands, nurture your belief in yourself and your abilities and you´ll shine like the beautiful soul you are.
If you want to learn how to hold your self-worth in your own hands, check out my Find Your Roar Assertiveness Training. I’ll give you all the tools you´ll need to live in your integrity. Click the link below for full details. I hope you join me. Click the image below for full details.
(c) Samantha Wilson 2019. All Rights Reserved